I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
