my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
