I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
