Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
