i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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