she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize