You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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