and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
