she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
