I wish life had little blips of pornography
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
