Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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