I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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