I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
