Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
