Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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