Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize