Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
