PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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