one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
