2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
