i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
