on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
