so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
