BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
