You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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