she woke up with a sticky ear
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize