Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
