so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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