If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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