They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
