He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize