I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
