So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
