i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
