Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
