So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
