If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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