god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
