my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
