well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
