To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
