i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize