I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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