I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
