batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
