She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize