I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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