She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize