Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
