So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
