Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
