i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
