How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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