Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
