Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
