My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
