forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
