tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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