Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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