my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
