I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
