I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
