Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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