I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
