My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
