I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
third nipple confirmed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
