Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize