I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have already put on my inside pants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
