i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sarcasm needs its own font
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
