my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
