my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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