How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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