he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
