Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
