i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
