True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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