I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize